Thursday, December 12, 2013

When Strength Is My Name

Strong. Lately, I haven't felt strong at all. Most of my life I haven't felt strong, just afraid. Now that I'm significantly overweight. Some say I'm not. Comments like, "you don't look overweight.", "you are not really (blank) lbs. Well, you carry it well.", and others of the sort are not very comforting. In fact, they irritate me. They don't make me feel better. I was thin all my life, then after I had my first I began emotional eating. I was never a good anorexic, but I can binge eat, and I was good at it. Then I was on antidepressants on and off for years and the last 4.5, the ones I was on had me feeling like I was starving 24/7. Every meal was my last meal. Not good when you want to lose weight. I am officially 50lbs heavier than I was before my son. 50lbs is little to some. To me it's an ocean to cross. I've been fighting this for years now. I was doing well and dropped 30lbs last year, and then we discovered I was in extreme stomach pain because of a cyst. It's been removed, but old habits take hold faster than new ones hang on. So here I am, only have managed to keep off 10 of that 30. Very sad and frustrating. I had so many bumps this year to keep that weight on. After the miscarriage, something changed. No longer on anti-depressants I need exercise and other healthy things to keep me out of my "funk". I'm tired of not living, and being depressed and miserable in life. Losing Emmitt change so much in my out look on my kids, husband and my life in general. Yes, I still fight depression every day. But I'm doing more that makes me happy. I'm learning my children's laughter and doing fun things, make me happy and I'm learning to be comfortable in it. And while motivation some days is none existent, I realize I am the only one who can be my motivation. My food sucks right now, but I have decided on building on my workout consistency first. So to help, I get silly and while, some may think it's me trying to motivate others to move, posts like this on my timeline really are to motivate myself and keep accountable to my goal to help me feel better both emotionally and about myself. But if someone finds inspiration in what I'm doing I won't shove it away either. We all look up to bits of someone's life when we need to move forward. Some women are happy with their "curves", and I'm happy for them. I, however, don't like myself at this weight and that is why I'm trying to lose it, not for anyone else. So here is a sample of what my FB friends get to enjoy. No matter how I feel when I start, I ALWAYS feel strong at the end. And this friends is what happens when Strength is my name:


This was a particularly bad day.

Dreadmill time. This is my I don't want to but will make myself run face. See ya when I come back from the fun. Much fun to be had. Really. :P


The day didn't own me. I just OWNED the day!!!!



This past week. Feeling some motivation.

Step 1. Treadmill.



37 min later. Step 2. Weights. I got this! Do you?


Step3. Take a other pic of your spent self before you stretch and collapse from all that hard work you put in to making yourself feel better and stronger. Now take this example and apply it to whatever makes you feel like you can take on the world! (I realize I should have a disclaimer here. Apply to whatever makes you feel like you can take on the world that is legal and healthy physically and/or mentally. I'm not suggesting committing crimes here, I will not be held responsible for that sort of monekey business :P )

3 comments:

  1. I love that you are striving for progress and I enjoy seeing your photos! Keep it up lady - for real, you are inspiring without even knowing it.

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  2. Very little in life comes easy. You are determined to succeed and, over time you will. Just keep your head down and continuing moving forward, even if it takes you a little longer. Whatever you do, never, ever give up!

    Thanks so much for your comments on my blog! I value them more than you'll ever know.

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