I wasn't going to keep up with my blog for the next little while. Who knows if I will write every day, but I will be posting here and there as I feel up to it.
We had struggles growing up. They say you hurt the ones you most feel comfortable with. It's true. We fought like dogs. Working around each other, trying to prove who was Alpha. Of course she always was. No matter the course, I always went to her with my inner most thoughts. My passions, my fears. We drifted in my teens as it was not normal to be close to your parents. What? Confide in your mom? What are you nuts? Kids just don't do that. So I fought between what I needed and the image I wanted to portray. Also, I was going through my own inner battle that no body, not even myself, understood until it almost took my life at 23. I always feel I am 24. Because 24 is the year I was when we became closer. It was still tumultuous, but she put up with it better than I ever thought I deserved. She was going to help me through this, no matter how much pain she was in, or what was going on in her own life. Soon, the tides turned and I was there when she needed me. The last ten years with my mom has only proved to bring her closer to me. While people complain about their awful, broken relationships with their moms, I can only feel blessed with my greatest confidant. My best friend. My sometimes enabler. My prayer warrior. And many more things I cannot even begin to put down on paper.
Tonight, I am doing as my mom has done so many times. Since the day I can remember. When times of stress, she cleaned. At night. When the house was silent. She scrubbed, dusted, washed, folded, and created. (She used this time also to stay up late making us clothes and building us Christmas gifts) Battling the thoughts out in her head with no distractions. Working out the frustrations, anger, fear, sadness. It was something I grew to do as well. It's harder with a man who has the hearing of a superhero, but I do get some time to release the emotion. And in moments like these, my heart aches while the tears stay locked in their prison for another day.
I wish I could be there with you right now mom. For the moment though, I'm going to take solace in knowing, in this one coping mechanism, I am just like you.