There are so many firsts to look at. The first breath. The first cry. The first cold. The first smile. The first laugh. The first step. The first day of Kindergarten. The first day of High School.
When I first dreamed of having a child, it was all about the baby stage. The way his hand curled around mine and he looked at me as if he had the whole universe in his hand. The first two days in the hospital were the best two days with just me and my boy. By number four I just wanted to be home with all my children, forget this hospital business. With each baby though, my mind never processed them needing to go to school. When I first looked at them, I never saw past the first year. After the first year, I never saw past the second year. Then, in the blink of an eye they were ready for Kindergarten. Sure my second went to preschool three times a week last year. Sure I knew that Kindergarten was just a few months away. It just didn't seem real. It still all felt like a dream. I was still my child's universe in the palm of his hand. My second, E, is now officially an Elementary School scholar.
Then there is my first, C, he just entered the crossroads to "freedom". In just four short years, he will go from my baby who needs me for everything, to a man striking out on his own. While I am looking forward to him moving on to possibly college, his own pad, I am wanting to hold on to these next four years.
These are two huge milestones. Kindergarten and High School. I never thought that I would experience them at the same time. At one time I never could have hoped to have such a big, beautiful family. Now, while I am excited for my children to grow and learn and succeed. (I do feel giddy knowing there will only be two at home to continue to drive me batty, and eventually none. Go me time!) I do see the implications of this. It's just like being born and each day draws us closer to death. Having a child is like being born again. Being born into something bigger than you can ever imagine. Sacrificing so much of yourself for something so small and helpless. Putting more effort into something, than one your favorite subjects or hobbies, and watching it bear fruits you could only have dreamt of. Each day brings you closer to death. Not a physical death, but the death to all that you once knew. Eventually there is not much of yourself that you need to sacrifice for these now young men and women. The effort once put in, is now effortless and most likely no longer needed. You now have so much "me" time you have no idea what to do with yourself. The person who once raised these amazing creatures is no longer needed and you are lost. The death is here. Each day brings me closer towards the empty nest. I'm excited, sad and lost.
For now, I'm too busy to be to upset over it. Only when I think about these two milestones half of my brood has reached do my eyes mist, and my future self feels uncertain.