Thursday, June 16, 2011

Five Point Harnesses Cannot Contain This Mini Houdini

I am at my wits end! I curse safety, seatbelts and most of all carseats! You all suck! You are the epitomy of suckage! How dare safety be so important in this day and age! Look at all of us children who survived babyhood in the "safety" of our Mother's laps in the front passenger seat of our parents "Road Boats". (My first car to take driving lessons in was my Dad's Catalina. It WAS a boat) We didn't have carseats. We didn't even have seatbelts for a bit. Then, they decided we needed the lap belt. Our feet dangled over the seats in freedom, mocking our pinned down thighs with bursts of untethered movement. Then came the belts that crossed over your shoulders as well because they were deemed "safer". Who cares if they dug into your precious necks. They fixed that alright. They didn't feel baby carseats were going far enough. They had to bring in toddler seats with the five point harness. Damn you safety freaks!

Okay, now before I get a ton of "hate" comments telling me what a horrible parent I am. I use these seats, but I strongly dislike them. I don't think they are safe. They definitely did NOT take into account my Mini Houdini when designing these five point harnesses.

This carseat is very similar to the one my daughter is in. It is an Eddie Bauer. The culprit is the piece that clips the shoulder straps together and slides up across the chest. That piece is a literal piece of crap. The straps that go across my child's legs snaps into a giant piece of metal. Even I have a hard time getting that part unbuckled. She has tried and cannot undo it on her own. So why the hell do these companies make a piece within their reach that you can pull apart with very little force at all. You do not even have to press the clip to unlatch it. Seriously, how safe is this? If my Mini Houdini can unbuckle herself and get out of part of her "life saving" harness how is it keeping her safe in an accident at high speeds?

Oh right, I'm the Mother and I should be making sure she stays buckled in. Well hello arsehole who designed these small pieces of junk that spell death trap and toy for Mini Houdini. When you can drive AND be in the back seat of a vehicle keeping a death grip on the five point harness let me know. I haven't acquired that talent yet. I'm too busy with my eyes on the road keeping us OUT of an accident. I currently tie a green garbage bag just above the harness clip.

Oh yeah, and put it tighter? Mini Houdini is a contortionist. Been there. Done that. Own three or four t-shirts.

So yeah, to the "Safety Nazi" and the carseat companies. Give me something that will keep my kid in the carseat! Or shut up and let me raise my child in the same non-bubble world I once had the pleasure of walking barefoot down the street in.

****Seriously though. The whole garbage tie is getting old and it's a pain in the arse. Not to mention not safe around my daughter. Mini Houdini was so ticked off over it the other day she tried gnawing it off. No shit!*****


  1. I haven't had the chance to put my little man in a carseat yet but I'm sure it'll be a hassel. Was there a recall on your carseat maybe? Just curious.

  2. Agreed!!! My daughter is still rear facing so I can't even tell when she wiggles out of the stupid straps, then I find out I've been driving for the last hour and she's been free as a bird. Then I get the pleasure of feeling guilty and like I'm a bad parent so I TIGHTEN the straps...Which. Doesn't. Work. AHHHHH!

  3. all I can say is when someone ran a red 4 weeks ago and I had no choice but to hit them, I was so glad that all we (my mom, me, my 5 year old and my 9 year old) sustained were 'seat belt' injuries!
    My 9 year old still sits in a booster because seat belt laws seem stricter in the uk than the USA. Local kids make fun of her! I was Soooooooooooooo glad I made her sit in that booster that day! x

  4. @Nicole J ~ no. no recalls. They are all made like this.

    @AnIrishItalianBlessing ~ some how this should be brought to the attention of the manufacturers. It's just not safe at all

    @strangerinastrangeland ~ I'm so not saying that carseats aren't good when they are being used properly. However, when I child is hanging out of their seat because they can unbuckle themselves, it is not using the device as intended and therefore unsafe. My five year old sits buckled in nicely in his seat. There's just no taming my 2 year old wild child. sigh.


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