Saturday, April 30, 2011

You Can Add Chew Toy To My Resume

I can honestly say that this was not one of the things that I had envisioned when I dreamed about my future children. Visions of perfect dinners and apple pies, kissing my husband as he walked through the door after work, children dressed in their Sunday best, shoes shined, gurgling baby on hip. There was no picture of breastfeeding. Stick a bottle in that kids mouth.

Well, I dislike cleaning and cooking. So more often then not my house is in disarray and dinner is most definitely not on the table when my husband enters our lot on the block. (truth, thanks to the meal plan it is more often now) My children look like the street urchins from Oliver Twist. My baby doesn't drink from a bottle. Why pay for it when you can get it from the "cow" for free? (Yes, I referred to myself as a cow. I feel like a human milk dispenser most days. It not an insult, it just a really true visual, so simmer down.) I'm cheap and gosh darn it formula is damn expensive. I pay for disposable diapers at the price of an arm and a leg, no way in heck I'm paying for a fluid at that high price when I can provide it myself.

So it's going good. No thrush, L is gaining well now that his tongue had been clipped. We are both happy. We introduced him to rice cereal at his new pediatricians request this week. Then bam suddenly L is fussy. He is sticking his fingers in his mouth while he's nursing. I try to pull his hand out as he's getting frustrated at not getting anything to eat. Finally I give in and let him figure it out on his own. Can't get milk if you have no latch due to those fingers. Next thing I know the little bugger adorable baby bites down! Holy friggen canole! What the bloody hell? That hurts kid! Out of all the roles in my life I never thought I would ever be a human chew toy. Where ever that tooth is, it better come out fast, otherwise this kid is going to starve.


  1. You are amazing. Breastfeeding is hard! I really wanted to do it for longer than I did, but my milk supply disappeared when I had to return to work. However, I'm not disappointed that I missed the joys of nursing babies with teeth. ;)

  2. OOOOO i went to see ruby wax live and sge referred to breastfeeding like putting fishhooks through your nipples attaching the line to the back of a lorry and shouting giddyup! that seems quite accurate to me at times...have to add its also amazingly magical at times as well having breastfed all 3 of mine including being chew toys for them as well! big hugs x

  3. Your kiddo is going organic right from the begin! You made me laugh though but then I never had any kiddos of my own.

  4. Totally agree! There was no way I was going to by the stuff when I could make it better for free. I even bought a pump for work. Expensive but it paid for itself the first month.
    Disposables, all the way. I made all their baby food but there was no way I was going to clean poo.

  5. Ouch!! I remember BFing and The Boy would get so frustrated from the lack of flow (I had supply issues)and he would bite down in protest. Now that he has teeth he uses my shoulder as a chew toy and almost always bites me if I'm holding him on my hip.


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