Monday, February 28, 2011

February Windup

Wow February was here and gone. Currently in the blink of an eye, although during it with the sick children and -40C weather with the windchill, it felt like February was going to be here forever.

February showed growth in all my children. C showed maturity in his goals with Cadets, what he wants to do in school and where he might be headed once he graduates in four and a half years. E is coming in to his own. Through preschool he has opened up and his personality is only going to blossom even more. He was also registered to play soccer. I hope he enjoys it. A is being more independent and strong-willed than ever. She's my climber, my painter, my dancer, all out trouble maker. She has made the transition to a big girl bed. (mattress on the floor) Although really it's just a bigger cage as the baby gate is left up until she falls asleep to keep her from coming out of her room. This takes the "fun" out of chasing her around the house to get her back into bed. We are also trying to make the journey to potty training. L is going to be three months old. He's cooing, gooing, smiling, and laughing. He won't grab toys, but he'll grab on to my fingers and play. He isn't a sleeper, which is tough because he also likes to be held. Not held to sleep, but held facing outwards so he can see everything. He is my sponge. Wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't the size of a six month old lol.

I'm glad February is gone because I know warmer weather will be here soon. Another sign is that 7 am is now the crack of dawn as that is when E and A get up and moving me out of bed. L seems to be adjusting to this time as well and looks up at me with a grin that spreads from ear to ear. Also, it's still light out when we finish our dinner around 6 pm. The sun shining into our home helps a lot as well. Now if only that snow would start melting and the frigid air would mellow and warm up.

I'm also sad in a way as well. With February gone, everyone is one month older. The children grow so fast and trying to hold on to these moments with everything that life throws at you is pretty tough most days. I know older means no more nursing, no more having to carry a baby, eventually no more diapers and more independence for me to try to find life outside being a human milk truck and jungle gym. I just know I'm going to miss this. As much as it feels harrowing right now and I'm exhausted all the time. I'm going to miss every gooey smile. Every crayon that touched the walls. Every "why" mom. Every he/she hit me. Every sticky hand print. The list becomes endless. So bitter sweet is this cheers to February 2011's end.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Winter = Less money

I suffer from depression and this time of the year, typically the beginning of February (I made it to mid-Feb this year) until Spring, I am at my worst. I hit rock bottom and nobody is getting me out of my rut no way no how. Possibly why I was so upset with my son last week. When I get like this I resort to several habits. Some not so great, like spending money. Now I'm a frugal person by nature and the thought of spending money sets off all sorts of anxiety bells. I don't want to end up in can't-get-out-to-save-your-life debt or have to go without like when I was a single mom. Living pay cheque to pay cheque and only having maybe $20.00 to your name in between sucks, especially when you need to buy diapers, clothes, and school supplies among other things.

When we found out we were coming in to some "gravy" money this week right away the anxiety shot off the richter scale. Yes, I was itching to spend money. I feel like crap, and getting something new helps me feel better. My hoarding tendencies are going to get me into so much trouble later on. So this was an injection of intense orgasmic excitement and a hard case of the be extremely sensibles.

One part of me wanted to spend on new furniture. We have been wanting a new bedroom set since we moved into our home in 2009 but have put it off getting the kids rooms settled. Then property taxes ate up our savings. (I knew that was going to happen, I just liked living in denial and seeing the large number sitting there). Then the summer found us doing the backyard so the kids had somewhere to play. Fence, deck, grass, you know the usual suspects. Now we see we need new sofas. Ours have seen their day. They are dated and I have always thought they were ugly. (they were my hubby's before we met) While the other part of me was trying to think of which bills to put it on to help get us completely out of debt. We don't have much, but a new home does incur some debt when you are trying to give it a personality that fits your family. (i.e. nice looking front and backyard)

We finally agreed, due to a friends suggestion, to put some money on something for the family, some money on debt, and some for personal spending or saving for the family. Basically evenly placing funds between all three places. We also decided to put off our bedroom once more in order to get something for the family. We went out this morning and bought a new sofa and love seat.

(disclaimer: this picture is from TheBrick)

This was the sofa I originally feel in love with once we were there. I loved the lines and it wasn't "bulky". It had a slight curve to the arms that made it feel more modern without the price tag to go with it. Our con was that we felt like we were leaning to the side towards the arms. So we checked out a few other sofa/love seat combinations and ended up with this.

(disclaimer: this picture is from TheBrick)

What we liked about this sofa is that it is NOT bulky. It's not fabric so it won't retain people smell. Body fluids are easily wiped off and won't stain. (if you have children I need not explain) It is comfortable to sit in and I'm not leaning from one side to the other. It's the colour of coffee and chocolate all things good in this world. Oh and the best part is that the cushions are NOT removable. No more looking for toys in the couch or having them move out from under me. No more coming downstairs and finding my children have removed them, put them on the floor and are using them as small islands. I cannot wait until tomorrow when we are supposed to get them. Only problem is trying to figure out what to do with our old furniture.

So that was my morning. It wore the kids out, I got out of the house and I got to spend money therefore alleviating my spending itch without the buyers remorse.

Okay Spring you need to show up soon as my bank account won't be able to handle anymore large purchases for a while.

(Disclaimer: the products noted and reviewed in this post were done so on my own accord and I was not asked by anyone to review nor purchase them. I did not receive anything for writing this post. We did not purchase these at the Brick, but an affiliate store. The purchase was due to personal searches, what we were interested in and what the store had in like with what we wanted, not for personal gain through the Brick or it's affiliates.)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sometimes You Just Got To...

1. take a step back.

2. turn the ringer on your phone (a.k.a. land line) off, your cellphone to vibrate.

3. eat all the chocolate in sight and NOT think about the fat clinging to your hips.

4. breathe darn it. breathe.

5. think of one endearing thing about your significant other.

6. think of one thing that your child did in the last 10 minutes that made you smile.

7. think of one thing that your child did in the last 4 hours that made you smile. (I've got four children so I have a lot to smile about)

8. leave the house for an hour or two and visit with people your own age or older.

9. think of one thing that made you laugh.

10. laugh at that one thing out loud. (if that wasn't enough laughter repeat steps 9 and 10)

11. keep your day simple. Doing the bare minimum and be okay with it.

Since my last post I have been trying to do all of these. I have needed to clear my head and remind myself that there have been days like that before and there will be more to come. I have three more children yet to hit the teenage years. I better use this time wisely and learn as much as I can instead of throwing myself a continual pity party. Now that I'm beginning to catch my bearings after this I'm hoping to have a lighter post coming up in the next few days.

A giant THANK YOU to those who commented on my last post I really needed the encouragement to dust myself off. Cheers!!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Got Lost At The Grocery Store

Whoosh went the doors as I passed within range of the sensor. I rushed on through the sliding double doors intent on getting back to L before he screamed himself into a tizzy. My pink cellphone was dead so there was no way to reach me if I was needed, as well as no way to find out if I was remembering everything I needed to get. My mind raced with my feet as I flew from one aisle to the other gathering my bounty. Then I slowed down as I went to find the contact solution for my husband. I searched three aisles and couldn't find it. I would have to go to the other store. I don't have anything against the other store, and I like the staff. I just knew I'd talk about my day. I'd have to think about my day, and all I wanted to do was forget about my day.

As I went to the cashier I felt like I was going to my doom. My mind began to wander to my day. A lump rose in my throat. Tears burned my eyes. I wasn't going to break. Today was NOT going to break me. I can stay strong. I CAN bottle this day in.

I paid for my bounty and carried the bags in the cold to my silver steed. I prepared for my next trip to the other store. I was hoping that no one I knew was there. That way I wouldn't have to think or talk. I almost missed the person waving at me as I walked inside. I just about broke into tears as she asked how I was.

Oh Lord, when did I become a horrible parent? Just a short time ago I was drinking, a lot. Getting lost in myself and everything around me. Then in some whirlwind I had a son and became a single parent. I pushed myself into the real world to get out of my isolating anxiety zone. I started a program that I didn't finish. It led to going back to school and getting my grade 12. I tried out college but I was drowning. I couldn't keep my head above water. I dropped out and wandered some more for four months before working at a fast food restaurant. I got out of housing and moved in with my sister. It was hard on our relationship. I moved out and we didn't speak for almost a year. I moved in with my parents, then into a one room apartment with my son. Every day was a struggle. I hated, absolutely hated my job. But I did it. I pushed through every piece of crap that was thrown at me and the crap I made myself just so that that incredible little boy could have everything he wanted. We battled, butted heads. We still do. Only then, he still loved me. The thing that annoyed me the most, was the one thing that I miss the most now. "Hug and kiss Mom? Hug and kiss?" Little arms open wide, tiny feet running full speed towards me. A toothy grin that ran from ear to ear. So needy he was. Every few minutes was the same request. It drove me batty. Now while I don't feel it's appropriate for a 13 year old to be the same in words an action as that beautiful 4 year old. I don't expect to be told that I'm a "bully mom". Sure like anyone I make mistakes. I do expect a lot out of him as I know most moms do of their first. He still has it easier than I did though. He also has so much more. So why does he dislike me so? Why is he so disrespectful? Why does he give more respect to his commanding officer than me? When it was just us, I gave up so much of what I wanted just for him. Because that's what parents do. I went without meals, clothes. Heck, there are days I still give up things, like sleep to sew on badges and the sixty dollar pair of jeans I know would make me feel 10 years younger. I know people say the reward is watching them grow. Call me selfish, but I want a reward that tugs at my heart strings and builds my "mommy" self-esteem. I don't want "can't", "I hate you", "you're a bully". I want "thanks", "I think you're great for sewing on badges until the wee hours of the morning". Heck, even "I'm glad you're my mom" more than once a year on Mother's Day would make my day.

As I hold back my tears and vent bits and pieces of conversation, I struggle between wanting that lovable four year old back and trying to understand an angry thirteen year old who has his own struggles with life. I want him to grow and push and pull, but I also want him to do it with the least amount of damage to me.

Thoughts of little L crying for me pop into my head and bust my thoughts like soap bubbles in a sink full of dirty dishes. I pack up my tears, hurt, words and say good-bye to my current sounding board and head to another cashier. I drag my feet to the car with a heavy heart. I can feel I'm holding a grudge. I'm hoping it's just for a few hours and a good old fashion cry will release me from this painful vice grip. I'm going to try to remind myself that tomorrow is another day and that in a few years if I do not break and just learn along with him, I'll get my reward. Until then, I'll keep losing myself at the Grocery Store. Hey, it beats locking myself inside a stinky bathroom to get be able to get away and clear my head.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Oh Poop :S


Oh A. My beautiful, strong-willed, curious, independent little girl. What am I going to do with you?

From the time I drag my exhausted body out of bed off the couch in the morning until she falls asleep in her own bed my daughter keeps me on my toes.

I always wanted a girl. I didn't get a girl the first time around. Amazingly enough it didn't matter once my son was put in my arms. The second time around the ultrasound revealed some manly parts. I was upset, but I knew my eldest wanted a brother. Up until this point I had told him to pray for a brother. I was trying to teach him that God answers prayers. So I put the fact that I wanted a little girl behind me and prayed that C would get his brother. E was born. Then my hubby gave me a pregnancy test for Christmas (previously he said E was the quota), I was excited. One month later I was pregnant. I prayed and held my breath for the ultrasound. Yay!!! We have our girl.

Okay, now what was I thinking? She climbs everything and anything. Her volume control has one setting, ear shattering. If she doesn't get her way she hits you and screeches. While sounding like a tea kettle and then an eagle going after it's prey sounds cute when they are mere babes, at two years old I'm just waiting for her to make my ears bleed. She loves cheese, Caillou, Fragglerock (a.k.a. "Rock") and thanks to my boys, Spongebob Squarepants. Oh the horror!!! (Seriously. I feel like I'm getting more stupid by the episode) Her favorite words are "no" and "okay". Be warned, "no" does mean no, but when she says "Okay" she's just pacifying you. Her mind is looking for a way around what you said so she can get her own way.

So let's get to it. What has any of this got to do with poop. Well let me tell you. The previous babble provides some insight into why I feel like I want to crawl under a rock and not come back out. A is changing and possibly becoming more daring than before. She tried to crawl out of her crib and landed on the outside of it. Keep in mind she already fought with the kitchen cupboard and lost, ending up with three stitches in her head. Logic says she should not still be climbing, in, on, or out of anything. So now we have her on a mattress on the floor. Big girl bed time. Why the floor. Because I cannot find the hardware to the convertible crib rendering it a $200.00 hunk of useless wood. Now, she is into saying she pooped ("mom, I poot") and trying to change herself. Twice now I've had to clean poop out of my carpet. I guess not only are we getting her to stay in her bed on the floor (I put up a baby gate in her doorway to keep her from running out of her room all the time), we are going to need to start potty training her as well. With a newborn, this is going to be fun. (like drilling a hole through your hand while your awake and no medication for the pain). I hope it's quick and this is the one thing she is not as strong-willed about.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Do You Know.....

* where my pants are?
* where my blue shirt is?
* where my jacket is?
* where my truck is?
* where my keys are?
* where my shoes are?
* where my book is?
* where my school project is?
* where I can find information on (you fill in the blank)?
* what time the bus comes?
* where my bus tickets are?
* where my lego is?
* where the screws are to the patio table?
* where the hardware is to the convertible crib?
* where the ________ movie is?
* where my birthday card with my birthday money in it is?
* if the bills were paid?
* what's for dinner?
* when A was last changed?
* if E went to the bathroom today?
* what you want for lunch?
* how old L is?
* how many wet and soiled diapers L has had in a 24 hour period?
* how many diapers does A and L have left?
* how many times the guy has come to fix the broken dishwasher?
* how much money we have in the bank?
* what you are doing on the weekend?
* if my uniform was washed?
* where my video games are?
* if we have plans on (another fill in the blank)?
* where A/L's sucky is?
* when anyone had a shower last?
* the last time anyone slept in?
* how many names I have to go through to call the child I really want to speak to?
* how many tantrums I have to deal with in a 12 hour period?
* how many times a child can ask why?
* how many silly knock-knock jokes I hear?
* where my mind went?

The list goes on and on and on. And while I feel my mind reeling and some days I want to walk to the postal box and not come back for a few hours at least. I wouldn't change it for the world. This is now what makes my world go around. It may seem boring, annoying, exhausting and torture to those who have never had all of this. To me it's heaven on earth. (I can freely say this now that my house is quiet due to everyone being asleep.)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Man Hug

Today my husband asked me to check out a link he shared. Like the "dutiful" wife I am I of course didn't give up the chance to sit down and relax to check out a link and this is what he sent me..

This definitely made my morning. It also made me wonder if guys truly need to learn to hug other guys and if made a video on women hugging. Since I didn't find one in my short search I assume our gender is not missing the hug gene, and therefore we don't need a "how to" video.

I did find another video that is just for me. I cannot give a high five. Never could. It was a running joke with my friends and I. I could line it up and the intent was there, but I missed contact each time. Like what? Does my hand get scared of physical contact at the last minute and divert itself spontaneously from the intended target. That being the other high-fivers hand? Whatever my issue, this made me laugh. Since I have issues, the "Top Gun" would be as my 13 year old would say, "an epic fail".

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Oh Valentines

So Valentines Day is well on us as of tomorrow. Honestly, I've been thinking about nothing but money, meal plans, less take out, weight loss and sick babies. Nothing in there about love, sugared cookies, candies, and/or chocolate roses. We just simply don't have time for all that with four children. Us old folks have to pencil it in on the calendar in between Cadets, preschool and parent council meetings.

Reality is my husband and I really don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We both pretty much agree it's a consumerists holiday. I don't know his reason for it, however, I'm sure I don't like it because I never had a Valentine. I really hated when they did those flower things in school. I always hoped someone would give me a rose. It never happened. Really I never, ever had a Valentine. Even when I was with someone I never got a Valentine. (won't go there, my eyes will start shooting flames). Anyhoo, my husband and I agreed that we would just treat it like any other day. And we have. This year I did go out and got him a giant cookie heart that said "you complete me". It was totally a "cheezer" thing to do. But I saw it, and it made me smile, so I knew it would make him smile. He also does complete me, so it was a win/win thing. *insert gushy, loving smiley here*

We do nice things throughout the year though. Randomly I'll come home with a card telling him how much he means to me. He's done the same. Just recently he bought me a stuffed cat. (my daughter tried to steal it) I love cats, but I'm allergic, so I collect them instead. There was also one time that I woke up next to the stuffed bear I bought him. He didn't want me to wake up alone after he went to work. (Like who does that? lol) I'll let him sleep in on the weekends and he'll be up with the kids so I can have a longer nap after their naps. He'll curl up on the couch after work to de-stress and I'll cover him up in a blanket. Sometimes I even tuck him in bed at night. I have a touch of insomnia so most nights I stay up way later than him. I think we got a pretty good system going on and it shows us how much we love each other throughout the year as opposed to saving it all up for one day. Also, not celebrating takes the pressure off of us. That's what an Anniversary is for.

Now to quickly fill my E's Valentines Day cards for preschool and let him sign them in the morning. All the kids have been sick since last Wednesday so while I knew the 14th was coming up, it didn't really dawn on me that it was coming up. (mommy zombie over here)

Happy Valentines Everyone!!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Giant Monkey

It was by chance that the giant monkey came across the Tim Hortons XL double double. (Just nicely chilled to ice cold, but still drinkable) Or was it an evil plot by my "loving" parents? Either way the encounter ended in disaster.

It started off as an invisible monkey. Netflix, oh beautiful Netflix. I do blame you for my daughter's sudden infatuation with all things monkey. You and the Kratt brothers. (I have a liking for Zaboomafoo too). My parents never got the last of 3 of our brood's lifesized stuffies. So in their "loving" way, after bringing me coffee earlier, they brought A and L their stuffies. (forgetting E still didn't have one, his is still to come).

Excitement ensued. That is when A's giant, now visible, monkey spied my Timmie. I don't know if that evil primate planned on making off with my morning cup of "go juice", all I know is he dove at my coffee with reckless abandon and my Timmie slid toward me in fear. To my horror Timmie missed my awaiting arms (not really I forgot Timmie was on the coffee table), and spilled his guts all over my beige carpet.

(not the "real" Timmie)

Bad, evil, giant monkey. I think I even shed a tear. (over recently deceased Timmie or the now stained carpet you decide).

Giant monkey is now banished to A's crib and Timmie's replacements are no longer allowed in my living room.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Lazy Days

It took at least 20 years and four sick children (all at the same time), to finally understand why my mom had a lot of lazy days. You remember those days don't you? The ones where you were so totally bored out of your skull and actually wanted to do something with your parents. The answer you received in return was to go play because your parents wanted a day with no running around.

What? Run around? Really, what could you possibly do all day? I go to school and try to stay awake during boring lessons. Plus I have to participate in gym class. (look at all the effort I exert in one hour alone) Then I come home, wash the dishes, pretend to clean my room. (Please avoid the closet and under the bed there are monsters there. Really there are.) And the hours of homework those evil teachers pile on me. I have to do all this while you sit there after dinner and watch television. Pretty much what you do all day while I'm at school doing the above listed activities.

Okay, back to the present. One husband and four kids later. Holy crap!!! I'm sorry Mom and Dad really. To want to dare deprive you of your lazy days. I don't know how you did it. Here is just one day for me.

Four of my children are sick. Three of them under the age of five. Those three are at home with me. I can give the toddlers medication, but the two month old can't have anything but steam and saline drops. (like those do much) I have laundry to do, dishes, floors need to be vacuumed, swept, and washed. The baby needs to be held because he doesn't feel well. The two year old needs to be held because she doesn't feel well. The four year old is yelling at the laptop for not doing what he wants it to do and is upset because his older brother is going to school instead of staying home. My husband gets to avoid all this because he's taking it easy at work. (How dare he work instead of deal with this). Finally, it's close to naptime. I managed to get the baby to sleep in his swing and get the above list done, plus feed the kids. Hey, I even managed to eat. I got laundry swapped. (laundry is never done). Baby is up to nurse. Nursing, (sort of poor guy can't breathe), then my daughter escapes upstairs. She calling, I don't understand her. I yell to hold on, trying to get the baby to sleep. Finally I do. I go upstairs and smell poop. Oh boy. "A did you poop?" A runs out of her big brothers room buck naked covered in poop!!! I get her into the bathroom and look for the diaper. In the hallway is a clump of poop and more poop smeared around it. Her diaper is lying in her room, diaper side down (thank God), full of more poop!!. How the heck do I get poop out of the carpet? Mom. Call Mom. Mom knows all. Heck, one of us smeared poop on the walls when we were little. I used the spot shot and cleaned it up. Dumped A in the shower and crisis diverted. L didn't wake until later. Put A and E down to nap. Finally, quiet. With sick and tired L crying in between. Most of my house clean.

I still had to go pick up my husband from work and come home and deal with sick children again. (This is my non-busy day) I am utterly exhausted. Yes, I understand lazy days. When L is of age, I'm taking one.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

You've Got Followers

I was originally going to write about a giant monkey (no, really I was), however, due to recent events I am going to hold off on that post and write this entry instead.

I've got followers!!! And no, not just my husband posing as followers with a multitude of accounts. I really have followers!!! I'm absolutely positively stoked!!! Yes, I do need the attention and the validation that followers provide. I love the popularity my children provide, but adult accolades are a much needed things every once in a while. Helps one feel like they still have at least one foot in the world of the gracefully aging. (by the way, I'm not aging. I'm still 24).

I decided to put my blog back up a bit ago. I need to write. My writing course is done and I still am too darned scared to send anything in to publish. So I figured I'd get my blog back up to help me keep writing and possibly give myself some electronic courage. Then I saw a type of electronic magazine that takes submissions. Now I'm on a mission to try to find the time to put something together to submit. No, I don't get paid, but that is not the point.

So now what to do in the meantime? I started reading another mom's blog and saw on the side a link to blog frog and I decided to join. (I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to seeing if someone is reading my little corner of nuttiness so I check almost daily to see if someone is following). Now people are following me on blog frog and I'm reading some really interesting blogs. No, not all who are following me on blog frog are outright following me on my blog, but they have taken the time to read at least one post. Others are taking the time to continue the blogging relationship and are following me in my glass house. I truly feel honored.

Thank you to my new followers. You have made this mommy of four a very happy lady. (Yes!!! I have fans I didn't give birth to or marry) Cheers!!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Miss Popularity

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be part of the popular crowd. Sure I spent many a day denying it. But who doesn't want throngs of friends to talk to, party with, and trade beauty secrets with? Oh, and getting to date the most "exclusive" guys?

However, I was blunt, awkward and always managed to say things I shouldn't have. I probably should just permanently have left my foot in my mouth. That way I wouldn't have to sit here and think about all the friendships I could have had if I only didn't finish that sentence. (did I mention I still have this affliction??) Is it sick that I wonder how these people are doing these days? Good or bad, mean or nice am I odd that I really sincerely hope they are all doing well and successful? Ok, I'll admit it. There are a few whom I wish Karma had a chance to bite them in the butts and hard. But then again, I remember not so nice things about me, and I know who I am now as opposed to then. I'd hate to think someone I bumped into today would still judge me by who I was in High School.

Speaking of today, I have finally reached popularity. I tell ya that I am not sure I was thinking clearly when I wanted to win the Miss Popularity contest. The hours are long. The chatter. Oh the chatter. I feel my mind could explode some days with the incessant chatter coming from three different directions. My body morphs into a jungle gym at least 15 times a day. I still cannot find my referee jersey in this mountain of laundry. Who knows maybe it's with the missing left sock, and the invisible monkey? (just so you know, the domestic fairy is a lie) My meter starts at 7 in the morning and ends sometimes around 2 the next morning. I charge by the hour and apparently running a tab. My financial advisory abilities are sharpened by the day, yet somehow I am still out around $50.00 per month. Get this, the loss increases the older I get. I also look like a bag lady while my adoring fans wear brand name clothes. (not really brand name, how rich do you think I am?) Oh, and to keep my popularity going I need to purchase a large amount of gifts at least twice a year. So who is it that keeps me on my toes and grinding me to the ground with their awe and admiration for me? My four wonderful children of course.

Phew, popularity is exhausting business. I'm glad I wasn't popular back then, I don't think I could have handled it. I also don't think it would have been nearly as rewarding.
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