Friday, January 14, 2011

I Want To Be A Woman

Say What??!!! I'm 33 years old. Um, I believe I hit womanhood a very, very long time ago. Well sure in age, maybe in maturity. (Please note I said "maybe") Definitely not in the looks department.

If you've read my extremely short profile or perhaps perused my other few blogs I've posted you would know that I am a mother of four. Four!!! Yeah, not sure what I was smoking each time I made the decision to have another one, but it must have been darn good. Yet, I didn't anticipate the toll it would take on my feminineness. I have huge bags under my eyes. I could sand wood with the soles of my feet. I currently don't wear a bra half the day as I'm nursing (a whole other post), so I'm sure my breasts are going to hang to my knees years before their time when all is said and done. My hair resembles the shaggy dog and the rest of me could land me in those rag mags as a Sasquatch siting. Not to mention the clothes I gravitate to are sweats, pajamas or clothes I wore in my early 20's that I had no business even wearing then. Sshh, we won't discuss weight gain or loss. If you don't want a 4 week postpartum mommy to kick that tuckus that is.

So, when the heck did this road of self destruction begin? How on earth to I find my way back on track?

I have a hair appointment on Saturday, I should be happy, but the reality is it's a waste of money as I'll never have time to style it. But hey, I have to spend my birthday money on something. I also shaved tonight in my marathon minute shower that would make the most green conscious person proud. Yet, I get out and the shower prep and fairy tale is just that. I'm back to reality. I dry my hair in my towel, shake it out like Lassie coming from a swim in the lake and pull on my jammies. My sand paper soles catch on the carpet as I make my way over to my bed apparently having lost the ability to wrinkle and soften from the water. Lotion, yes, that is the answer!! Hello, don't forget I have four children and the ability to get a shower, never mind shave in said shower, is a battle with time. I don't have time to fiddle with lotion.

So here is the plan. I'm going to hunt down a celebrity and demand their nanny, hairstylist, make-up artist, cook, maid, personality coach, therapist, clothing guru and become the woman I know I always could be. Anyone with me?

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