Sunday, March 30, 2014

Bionic Man: The Fantastical Journey Into A Life With New Sight

Wow! A lot has come and gone through our lives in the last bit. I'm not consistently working out as I hurt myself. (non workout related) I'm trying to get back at it. Food is still my nemisis. I cut down my position and trying to get into moving myself and goals into positive direction.

While I work hard, my husband has had an amazing sci-fi thing happen to him. Like I'm talking full on Jestsons movie here. Possibly Star Trek. Anyone remember Geordi La Forge?

My husband was first introduced to a Canadian company called eSight eyewear not that long ago. I'm thinking maybe January at the earliest, the beginning of February at the latest. Someone from Grants International knew my husband is legally blind. (He was born with optic nerve hypoplsia) They sent my husband a couple of youtube links about eSight. Then the ball started to roll and rather quickly.

We couldn't get out to Ottawa, so eSight set up a meeting with hubby out here. They ended up meeting with about 14 people all together between Manitoba and Saskatchewan. The meetup is to basically see if the eSight eyewear would be a good fit for you. It was amazing. My MIL, hubby's coworker and I all went with him for this meeting. If it wasn't for my MIL's insane self control and poise, I would have been bawling all over the place. My husband went from seeing 200/20 to better than 20/20 when the testing was all said and done. eSight says the average is 25/20. Still not bad anyway you look at it. Now eSight eyewear is just another tool, but I personally cannot explain how. As the glasses would be useless to me as I don't fit the range of eyesight that this eyewear is utilized for. (Good thing he has started a youtube channel to try to help people understand what it does for him.) He can now read a book to his children and when soccer season starts he'll actually be able to see them play, not just hear them. When he goes to a school concert he'll be able to watch in real time, no more waiting until we get home to watch it on video. I'm so excited for him.

We decided that night that we were going to get this eyewear for him no matter what. The cost is not cheap at about $10,000 a pair. But you can't really put a price on being able to see things you've never been able to see before, like the menu at a fast food restaurant.

If you want to know more about eSight eyewear you can click on the links, or better yet, check out my husbands youtube channel TwentyTwenty. Please subscribe and share. You never know who this technology may help. For my husband it has opened up a whole new quality of life he never thought he'd obtain.

Here is his latest video. He has three others before this one. Check them all out :D


Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Bitch and The Asshat

Wow. Today was going really well. I was extremely productive even though I had to make 5 different trips to two schools in one day.(This is a pretty normal twice a week happening) It's warm, the sun is shining and it smells like Spring!

I was sitting in my van waiting for one of my kids after school as usual. Things were good, peaceful, warmer than the wintery blast of the Polar Vortex that has been a real pain in the butt. My kid gets in the car and I decide to turn into the back lane. I get stuck, back up a touch and move on. Then this truck comes around the corner. I figure that they'd at least wait until I get up to a driveway to pull into so they could pass. Apparently, that would be the easy thing to do. So okay, this lady with a scowl on her face, drives up the back lane to me going faster. I can no longer get to the driveway, so I thought she would just creep in there and let me pass. Nope, too much common sense for this lady. All the years I've been in a vehicle this is the standard procedure as backlanes are one vehicle only.

So I sit there waiting for this woman to back up so at least I can find a way to get around her. No, she keeps moving closer to me, driving closer and closer to my front end. I have no choice but to back up out of the back lane. Which if I wanted to do I would have done in the first place when I got stuck. So I honked at her and flipped her the bird. I mean really, yes unnecessary and childish, but you don't force someone out of a back lane like that. Who knows what was behind me. I couldn't well watch for people because I had no clue how close this nutter was going to drive into me and I had 3 kids in the car.

So I slow down to a stop sign and this nut job wonderful lady honks at me and drives super close to my back end. Like wtf people! I start to drive away from the stop sign and she is still driving up my butt. So mid section (sorry to the guy I was partially blocking), I got out of the van and this lady gets out of her car and starts calling me a bitch! Yelling at me, asking me why I gave her the finger. I told her straight out that she pushed me out of the back lane and there was no reason for that. She could have easily pulled to the side in a driveway so I could pass. She's not listening and giving me this story that I'm a bitch just like the lady at the other end of the backlane that blocked her in and she had to turn around and I was just at the beginning of the backlane. No, I was four houses into the back lane, three feet away from getting into a driveway to let you pass. Couldn't say that as she was too busy calling me a bitch and categorizing me with some lady waiting in a backlane for her child to get out of school. So, I gave up, told her to think about her actions, which she parroted back to me. (Yes, what a clever little parrot she was) Got into my van and drove home. Once I was in my driveway I appologized to my children.

I told my children I should not have done what I did. Not because I thought this lady was right in anything she did, but because on the way home I thought. What a jerk! Some lady blocked her in on one end, so she let that piss her off so much she behaved horribly toward someone not involved. Exactly what I did. I could have been annoyed without acting like my three year old. Worst of all was I did it in front of my children. Now I had to make it a learning lesson. Mommy was in the wrong and should have just drove home without saying or doing anything. The lady was in the wrong, but mommy made a bad decision and made the situation worse. Mommy can't control the lady's behaviour but I can control my own. Mommy is sorry you saw that.

Now that my kids are not here, the lady is lucky I don't have telekinesis or I would have pushed her ass out of the backlane. Also, backlane etiquette is that you find a way to let the oncoming vehicle pass by moving into an available driveway. The oncoming vehicle will let you, I promise. Or stop so they can let you pass. They will also do that. NEVER push someone out, the dangers of such actions are massive. In the States, they shoot you for that type of shit. And one more thing, if I'm a bitch, you dear lady are the biggest Asshat I've ever personally met.


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Sorry Son, Mommy Broke The TV

Don't ask how I did it. Let's just go with super powers. It sounds better than, "Mommy went to touch the menu/input button on the tv and shocked herself so bad that her finger is on fire, she has pain shooting up to her shoulder and the tv turned off, then on again before it started acting out a scene straight out of Poltergiest."

As much as that sucked, dealing with the following is gonna require a whole lot of the little green pills.





Saturday, February 1, 2014

Pound per Pound

February 1st

One month down since I took my comparison pictures of where I started. I just checked. I didn't share with you lovely people. So here they are:


That was the beginning of January, although I started on the plan a week or two before. This was Jan 1, and while I looked okay. I was suffering from Laryngitis, bronchitis and a third thing I cannot remember, on antibiotics, but I needed this for my NYR start. Merry Christmas to me. I was off for a week. I was scared that I wouldn't pull through. But I did. It didn't stop me.

Here are a few things that my FB friends got to experience as "selfies" totally help to keep me accountable. Poor people had to endure these daily for at least a good 2.5 weeks.



January 6th
Just ran out of excuses. Banished to the basement I am.



January 10
Really bad day, but I refuse to let it finish that way.



January 13
My scale may not like me but my middle is looking widdled! Hey looking for positives here lol




January 13
My after I busted my butt with weights dance party!




January 18
So excited. I'm gonna go run outside!



January 18
Pretty darn good, considering the new snow. Warm up. Cool down. Ran full time in between. Silly smile the whole way baby!



January 24
Success! 7 hanging knee raises in proper form in a row. Goal for first set is 15. When I started I couldn't even hang from that bar!



January 25
3 false starts. Couldn't get my head in the game. Last 5 min of cats and 5yr old trying to break my concentration. But I still pulled out a straight 30min run! Take that resistance!



January 30
"I just wanna feel this moment." Post workout dance party.



Now we are caught up to today. I don't post as much, mainly because my 5am wakeup has moved somewhere to dragging my tired carcass out of bed at 5:30am. I usually don't get down to the basement until 6am. I need to change that soon if I expect to do a different program from the one I'm currently doing that only needs 30-45minutes of my time. It's a work in progress. I do let myself sleep in on my rest days. Some days that is only 2hrs, but I'll take it. When I don't have to work and can run outside I let myself sleep in later as well. Sleep is my friend.

So what has this journey got me in the first month?

It's got me working out consistently. I hate mornings, but have proven to myself that I absolutely will not workout at 11pm at night when I get home from work. That I will drag myself out of bed at 5:30am so I don't have to workout later. My moods are much more stable. Still some up and downs, but not as extreme. Due to our really cold weather and needing to stay inside more, my depression is normally keeping me angry daily and in bed. While tired and I definitely have cabin fever, my depression is not even close to what it would be in these fine January weather conditions. It still does nothing for my anxiety, but I feel less anxious knowing I've got my workout in on time. My deal with food is that I'm learning to think of food as fuel as opposed to the enemy. I'm eating 200 more calories than before, and more calorie dense healthy foods so I don't have to eat so much. Spending a lot of time in the kitchen is a huge binge eating trigger for me. I am typically drinking a good 9 glasses of water per day now. That is up from a big fat 0-1 glass a day. Sad I know. I crave junk food less and my libido has gone through the roof. Before that too was a big fat zero, much to my husbands dismay.

And drumroll please



I have lost 3 of these "baby's"



(Google Images)


Which translates to

duh

duh

duh


There are measurements I don't have in there, bust and belly, so my total loss is actually 7.25" overall.

I also learned that when I started this journey two years ago I was starting at 206lbs and 39% body fat. I started January with 194.4lbs and had dropped to an amazing 29% body fat. At 190.6lbs and with my measurements I dropped to 26% body fat. I am stoked! It might not seem like a lot to some, however, it is. There are many things I couldn't do. I'm stronger, fitter, and lb per lb I'm getting to my goal.

Maybe next time I'll share my end goal. Until then, "Keep fit, and have fun." Okay, this is not Body Break. I'll think of my own motto, maybe lol.


*note - I noticed that I put in the wrong measurements, after finding my measurement sheet. Instead of 28% body fat, I actually dropped to 26%. Hence, the change in numbers for those that may reread this post.*



Thursday, January 16, 2014

Early Morning Mind Wanderers Jan.16,2014

It's not really early morning, more like late evening. But I'm not keeping score.


You're on my mind

you never really go away.

I don't have to think really hard

Unless I try not to feel the pain.

Many seconds, minutes, hours, days

I have to stifle the fire

For fear my heart will go up in flames.

Many hear me say, "the baby thing"

You're not a "thing"

I just can't handle the

beating, crushing, smashing, crumpling, tugging, burning, blazing, tangling, suffocating, head numbing, exploding, drumming, muscle weakening, moment stopping feeling in my chest.

So I do what comes naturally to me

I pretend it doesn't hurt as bad

I immerse myself in much too much and become overwhelmed.

All the while trying to keep in mind what your loss taught me

Life is short, temporary, and to make each moment count

You don't always need words to make your mark in this world

Being there for the ones you care for the most to you will make your mark for you.

That mark when nurtured will naturally spread outward.

There is strength in the darkness, you just need to run to the light.

Remembering you, feeling all this, reminds me to prioritize

I need to nurture what matters most to me and not what I think people want me to nurture.

And thus begins again, this never ending cycle.

The never ending of losing and never knowing you

The forever burning fire.


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Take it! Take a Piece of My Heart, Baby.

Yesterday marked two months. I'll be honest, I forgot about it. I blocked it out. It's the easiest that way. I'm not saying I don't ever think about it. I just make sure it's "safe" to do so.

Last month was harder. It was damn near impossible not to lose my noodle. I think I might have partially done so. Events happened and I felt like I was reliving the whole dreadful day all over again. For the next week I went through the same wave of depression that hit after I lost Emmitt. From 2pm until I went to sleep I couldn't function. I did the bare minimum and that was all. Today was different.

Thankfully, there were no repeats of last month. However, my kids suddenly decided they needed to know what the date was. I'm not sure why knowing it was Monday wasn't good enough. Okay, I do, it's because they are excited for Christmas. I'm trying to be. All I got was the tree up though. The rest of my house is bare. A stark contrast to the other years and I was already asked tonight if we could decorate the rest of the house tomorrow, Christmas Eve. I don't see the point. I don't know if I can do more than my tree this year. You see their date question, reminded me that I lost my baby two months ago today, and that I would have been approximately 24 weeks along. It hurts all over again, I feel angry and want to hide under a blanket, but I can't. In moments like these I am super happy for this thoughtful gift from my parents.


To help me deal with my grief and help solidify the very real, but surreal moment, my most wonderful hubby agreed to me getting an ornament for Emmitt. All my kids have one for their year of birth. When I went to my mom's I saw the "perfect ornament" on her tree. My Parents bought another ornament, got Emmitt's name inked on, and gifted the ornament to me. It sounds strange, and some may say it's not based in reality, but it brings me a sense of peace in place of a great amount of chaos and pain. I feel like through this ornament I'm able to hold the baby I didn't get to. It calms me and centers me when something catches me unexpected and my world seems to rip out from under me, threatening to bury me in unrepairable heartache.

I feel empty when I remember what "could've been", but I feel full when I look at Emmitt's ornament next to his siblings and ours on the tree. It serves as a reminder he's in Heaven patiently waiting for all of us to join him one day. And that indeed, he was very real.


A very Merry Christmas to all. May your holiday season be a blessed one.



Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My New Year's Resolution! Before New Years

We all make them. I think I've had at least a couple I've posted. So, here I am again. Except I'm not waiting until the new year.

I'll be honest, I don't remember what my New Year's resolutions of the past were. And I'm much too lazy busy to look. What I do know is that it was most likely about my weight and self improvement.

I'm continuing with that goal. In 2011 I found myself still at 206lbs by the end of the year. The heaviest I had been so far, besides the approximate 224lbs I was full term with L. I decided January 1, 2012 would be my year to slim down. The goal was to be 160lbs at least by my anniversary in September. Giving lots of room to back track. By summer I was down to 176lbs. I felt good that I seemed to be getting somewhere, but apprehensive because I always gained the weight back once I hit that point. It was here when the pain became the worst. We discovered it was a cyst, and I decided to let myself gain 5lbs. as it helped reduce the pain. I finally had the surgery the day after my birthday. Then I gained, and as of January of 2013 I was back up to 196lbs. I didn't gain everything back, but it was most of it. I was left depressed, but not yet ready physically to start my hard regimen of exercise, so I tried to get back on the eating portion of it. Only hubby wasn't doing it,and was eating the junk I was trying to stay away from, hard to stay motivated. I was trying to get more active after a few months, but the weight wasn't coming off. Then the rush of school and preschool ending, summer beginning and I was working so much. The depression of not losing was winning. In Sept I started going to see an awesome personal trainer. I got in three sessions. Then I discovered why I wasn't losing weight and had to cancel my trainer appointment. I haven't been back. I will, just going back is still a reminder of why I missed an appointment last minute in the first place. I haven't completely healed from everything just yet and I may never. So, I have been doing what I remember at home. It has helped my leg issue and I'm back to running again with no pain. Score!

And here we are. My New Year's Resolution begins today. I'm serious here. So serious, that I am considering trying to get up early in the am. And I mean 5am early to get my work out on. My dilemma: with my new position I will not be able to work out until 11 at night. Who wants to work out at 11 at night after a long day? The logical solution is to get up early like I mean to do. The hurdle is that I am absolutely, 100% not a morning person. Seriously. My family is not allowed to even talk to me for the first ten minutes to half hour after I wake up because the noise will give me a headache that will last the whole day. I have to talk first. I know when I'm awake enough that the disruption to my favourite past time won't inflict serious pain and leave me one growly bear for the day. I also cannot handle that beeping noise from alarms, if my alarm is not set to soft talking or preferably a good radio station (and still on the quieter side), I will have a raging headache for the entire day. Which makes me a miserable person to be around.

So you see, I'm totally serious about my weight loss here. I'm sacrificing my love of sleeping to get up at the butt crack of dawn all because I want to feel good about myself and how I feel. I want to look and feel sexy in a dress again.

I do need help to get this resolution going. One of the things is I'm going to be asking my friends to help me stay accountable. The other is taking lots of pics of my tired butt getting up at 5am and working out. Let's see if I can do this. In that time, I'm also going to post the cool home gym we just bought! I'm stoked. It is really hard to get to the gym with four children. Three of whom cannot stay home alone. Not to mention the cost that mounts when you pay for the membership, babysitting, and a personal trainer when you need a little extra guidance.

Now that you know mine, what's your resolution? What kind of journey do you hope for the new year?


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